And the gifts were profoundly disturbing. I received a beautiful lovers statue regifted from a couple’s daughter’s Yankee swap party (“Someone really gave this to children,” shuddred my friend). I dubbed it the Sexy Oscar and shouted “You like me! You really, really like me!” as I held it aloft. Other notable gifts included a self-help guide from the freak show formerly known as Tammy Faye Baker (among the pearls of wisdom: change your jewelry with nail polish!), a warped child bride musical carousel, a disgusting wind-up gag sex toy, a plaque saying “If you hear hoof beats, don’t think of zebras!” (people were offering good money for that one—it was strangely fantastic), and an ear key chain that said “Lobes of fun!” on it. My hideous patriotic Thomas Kinkade bear, despite the fact that it also had a pronounced camel toe, came in second. The winner was a Santa toilet seat cover, with a beard that would overhang the lid. For sheer nastiness, that gift won. In my gift’s defense, I will say that I personally cannot imagine someone giving someone a Santa toilet seat cover for a holiday gift. But the people spoke, and Ol’ Yellow Beard won.
Tacky Tableau
I am consoling myself with the thought that coming in second at Tacky Gift is in and of itself kind of tacky. It will have to do until next year. Sniff.
The Sexy Oscar Joins the Shelf of Tacky
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10 comments:
The statue is a real prize! I hate Jello in any shape and I hate Twinkies and I hate Spam. All combined though, it sounds like a lot of fun.
Do you look at the table of prizes and wonder about the people who invented them? Somebody actually sat down and thought that the Santa toilet seat cover was a good idea and that Tammy Faye had something of value to say.
Woah!
What an awesome Return of the Jedi lunchbox!
And the Saint Francis of Asissi hologram is pretty cool, too.
Sounds like a brilliant evening, Sassy. Reminds me of our old college bad taste parties (if I can find any photos a post will be forthcoming).
And you should have won. That bear was truly tacky, rather than just kitsch trash like the toilet seat.
And thank you for being the first of our blogpals to use the term "camel toe". Hee hee.
Robyn, Spam, Twinkees, and Jello are perfectly disgusting, aren't they? The party's great fun; we've been having it for years. I know what you mean about the whole planning process. We were wondering if the acquiring editor of Tammy Faye's self-help book was fired.
Dive, I'm glad you like my lunchbox and other sundries. And thank you for seconding my opinion that I should have won. Happy to oblige with "camel toe." It was the truth---those little patriotic pants did not fit very well.
I can't believe you didn't win! I agree....who would give someone a santa toilet seat cover? I mean really. That's the kind of thing you only buy for yourself.
I dig your statue. That's pretty funny, too.
Robyn don't be a hater. I used camel toe in a really bad blog post joke once, it was about an arab whose camel had broken doon, so he needed ..........
I didn't say it was funny, Is camel toe sexy or is it just me?
Carissa, I know. I know. Have a wonderful trip, and may the TSA not confiscate your knitting.
Knudsen, I've never met anyone who thought that camel toes were sexy. Someone needs to do it, though, so be my guest.
Oh, you have a can of Spam, very nerdy — I like it.
I "marked" your Haiku over at my place, by the way.
Yes, the can of Spamalot Spam has made close friends with Fluff and St. Francis of Assisi Hologram. I'm sure Sexy Oscar will fit right in. You were right about the haiku---I forgot to add the "Shit," before the last line.
congrats on a second place finish there's nothing like being runner up in the world of tacky. Now that's tacky!!
That's the thought I've been consoling myself with, Rich.
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