Monday, November 13, 2006

Pre-Holiday Depression

The holidays are coming. That time of year when we are supposed to be filled with love and peace. That time of year we are supposed to share with our loved ones.

That time of year when it hurts like hell to be alone.

It hit me like a ton of bricks today. Normally I like the holidays, but right now I just want to crawl under my bed and hide for the next month and a half.

We were supposed to go see Bob Dylan last night. That was our last plan. I didn’t really care about the show, and honestly I would have been more interested in the Raconteurs, but that’s not the point. The point is that we had a plan.

The point is the holidays are coming.

And I’m alone.


Devin said...

It's hard right enough.I've been asked not to come to my inlaws holiday events this year and I can't say I was bothered by that a month ago.Now it's differnt and I began to think about going to Ireland over the holidays.I haven't been home for Christmas in 13 years.

dive said...

Yup, the next six weeks or so really do suck ass for those of us in the lonely club.

I could try to accentuate the positive; less presents to buy; one less set of unpleasant relatives to pretend to like; lots more wriggling and stretching space in bed, etc., but the truth is, lonely stinks. Bad.

I'll be doing the same as I did last year; not putting up any decorations and just blanking it all out.
If you need to shout, rage, cry, swear, generally spout off about it, you've got my email address.

Welcome to Club Suck …

dive said...

Sorry, Sassy.
Disregard that miserable fucker (me at five this morning).
Club Suck is the biggest family on the planet around Christmas. You're in the best possible company.

And besides, you may not be alone over the hols. You're still young and pretty (at least your ankles and left hand are, the only photographic evidence we have), and there's several weeks of man-pulling time before the awful day.

And if all else fails, there's sexy shoes and chocolate.

Robyn said...

I won't pretend to be able to relate to those who are alone, but I have to say that if you weren't alone, or if you were married, you would just be exchanging problems. I love the Christmas season--I'm a complete sap about it--why, I'm drinking coffee our of a Christmas mug right this very minute. But the season is marred for me because of the strife my husband causes at spending time with my family. It's a tradition I've written about before, so I won't go into detail, but it has a dark cloud over it every year, and I dread it.

It's a shame what people to do holidays to screw them up.

Sassy Sundry said...

Oh, thank you. The worst part about this post was that I was stone-cold sober when I wrote it.

Dive, Club Suck does suck---but the there are bright spots. And since the Depression hits nearly everyone, I could perhaps get a Festivus present of a date (I do clean up just fine). But if it doesn't, it doesn't. I'm still better off alone than with what's-his-name. I hope you find a Festivus miracle too.

Devin, it sounds like you have a dicey situation there. I'm sorry about that. If going home is what's best for you, I hope you find a way to get there.

Robyn, I am normally quite festive around the holidays myself. I have decorations for the homestead, and I'm sure I'll cheer up and put them up.

It could have been the rain yesterday. Or just a general mood. But I couldn't get past just how sad I felt last night.

Sorry to bring down the room.

dive said...

When it hits, that awful hollow ache of loneliness is a killer.
But I think our little Club Suck can help us over the worst bits.

I hadn't heard of Festivus. Is it Roman? Over here, we do Saturnalia, celebrating the end of "days getting shorter" with horrid displays of excessive binge drinking and date rape.
And for Christians, the true spirit of Christmas is trampled into the dirt by rampant commercialism and tat.

Roll on Spring.

Sorry. Yet another downer. Yaay, Club Suck!

Sassy Sundry said...

No, Festivus isn't Roman. It's Seinfeldian. They made up a holiday "for the rest of us." I do celebrate Christmas, but since I also do the Solstice and like the idea of Chanuka and Eid (and Kwanza), I find it easier to call the whole thing Festivus.

Before Girl said...

I'm a Solstice/Christmas person myself. I think for every year since I was about twelve, I have felt sad and angry or just sad every Christmas season. It doesn't matter if I had someone or no one, if I went to parties or stayed home, friends or no friends. It's just what happens, and I'm accepting of that. I pull out of it about four days before the Eve but it's always there, just under the surface. It is what it is.

Yetta 2 said...

I too belong to Club Suck. It seems a bit suckier, at least to me, when you are a single parent. Watching your kids open all the surprises and thoughtful gifts you have spent hours and mounds of dough finding for them and there you sit opening the obligatory slippers, coffee mug and new kitchen utensils that your kids have gotten you. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the fact my kids at least put some effort into a gift for me. But once we are done with our festivities they pack up and go to their dads for a second Christmas and there I sit amongst the piles of paper and the aloneness begins to seep deep into my soul. That’s a hard funk to get out of sometimes! But hey that's what the bottle of Bailey and a fresh pot of coffee are for. Right??

Sassy Sundry said...

Yeah, that sucks too. Welcome to the club.

Robyn said...

Oh how I laughed at the notion that Festivus might be Roman. Sorry, Dive, a little chuckle at your expense. I loved Kramer and his antics.

Anonymous said...

I know that I get depressed because I think of how it ‘should’ be when in reality … this is how it is. If I could have or do anything for the holidays, what would I choose? I think I would choose a ‘feeling’. I would want to feel complete. Not full of hope or sadness or longing. I would want to feel comfortable where I was at each moment and not wishing for something else.
~~ Maggie~~

Vincent Eagan said...

I know this is a year late, but today I was researching the Festivus phenomenon, and I hate to tell you guys this (okay, really I love it!), but it IS Roman in origin. Seinfield merely secularized it and made it a Winter Holiday.