Friday, June 08, 2007

The Sassy Sundries: My Week in Review

Time keeps going faster and faster, it seems. Here we are at another Friday, and a beautiful one at that. The sun is shining, flowers are in bloom, and it’s time to tally up the week’s events. What a mindfuck of a week it’s been, too. Overall, I’m in a fine mood, but when W is unleashed on the world, it’s time to be scared. Oh, that and Oprah and Paris Hilton.

Behold, the week’s Sassy Sundries:

Oprah picked Middlesex for her book club. What the hell? Why, why, why does she have to go and ruin every good book? It’s bad enough that you can’t get a copy of The Virgin Suicides without a picture of Kirsten Dunst on it, but now we have to have the dreaded “O” business on the cover of Middlesex? Why couldn’t Jeffrey Eugenides be like Jonathan Franzen and tell Oprah to stick it where the sun don’t shine? Gah! Minus Five

Have hot date tonight with McI. The fashion gods smiled upon me, and I found the sexiest little black dress for an evening of jazz and… No, Dive. No pictures. Plus Ten

Scooter Libby gets 2.5 years in the slammer for lying about the leak in the Valerie Plame case. Now we just need to get Rove and Cheney behind bars. Plus Five

Speaking of prison, Paris Hilton took up residence in her new digs and then decided that she didn’t like clink. And guess what? They let her out! The LA Sheriff allowed the repeat drunk driver out of jail for a “medical problem.” I hope the law takes pity on the poor kid arrested with a joint, but somehow I doubt it. It’s not like they let Martha Stewart out because her uniform clashed with her towel. Makes me sick, I tell you. Minus Ten

Update: She's going back to the slammer. Poor thing cried. Hee hee.

Have potential new career as a private eye. Will begin scouring stores at once for 30s noir dresses, and will come up with new hair style. Can anyone tell me how to sound like Lauren Bacall? Craigslist is fun. Plus Two

My parents saw the new bachelorette pad, and my mother didn’t make one condescending comment. Plus Three

George W. Bush blows hot air about global warming. What can you expect from an oil man? I’m glad he got a tummy ache. Too bad he didn’t barf all over some world leader like his old man did. Minus Ten

My friend Smokestack is coming to visit me tomorrow afternoon. A grand time shall be had. Plus Five

What the hell is going on with the rhetoric between Bush and Putin? Are we back to the Cold War or something? Note to George: Using the word “hyperventilating” to describe a touchy situation isn’t very diplomatic. Please don’t get me nuked. I’d really like to live to see thirty-four. Minus Five

Things are looking up on the roommate front. I have two possible candidates who would do just fine. Plus Four

Have potential stalker problem on my hands, in the form of Neighbor’s ex-boyfriend. Minus Three

Total Plus: 29
Total Minus: 33

Last Week’s Total: +14


zirelda said...

Ok, even though the total is a minus, the week has been incredibly busy.

Frankly an evening of Jazz with a new black dress could outshine all of the minuses of the week for me.

Have a Grand Time!

Medbh said...

Sassy, I share your distaste of the whole Oprah book club thing, but I don't know if I could resist if she wanted to promote my writing. The huge audience and bank you could get is far too tempting I think.

Bush wasn't sick he was hungover.

Have a wonderful evening in your new dress!

dive said...


Sassy Sundry said...

Like I said, Zirelda, I'm fine, really. It's just that the world is a mess. I can't wait to get out of here and get on with the evening.

I hear you, Medbh. It is a bit of a catch-22. Thing is, the guy already won the Pulitzer. It's not like his book wasn't selling.

Sorry, Dive.

Andraste said...

Yeah, the world is a mess, but what's a girl to do. Mess, shmess...all is beautiful if you've got the right little black dress. Even dreadful old tomboys like me know THAT.

Happy Friday, m'dear!

Full said...

Bush told the Czechs he called Putin "Vladimir" as if it was supposed to make them feel he was in control, Twat.

Putin should have stuck to acting. He was very good in the second Harry Potter film as Dobby the house elf.
I'm sure it was him.

Enjoy the jazz.

Rich said...

you summed everything up just great. have fun on your date. Every girl should have a little black dress for a night out for jazz. but no pictures??? Cmon

Maria said...

Bush reminds me of the rich kid in high school who thought he was witty and cool because his little minion laughed over everything he said.

He is like this big Draco Malfoy without the brains.

And Paris Hilton? God...they did an OJ cam and everything, I heard. Jaysus. Maybe if she's lucky, she'll come out of the clinker with a poncho that a fellow inmate makes for her....

And, hey...a little black dress and jazz? Smokin hot. Just make sure that the stalker isn't waiting to try to sneak in the door with you when you get home. Seriously, keep an eye out for this one, okay?

Conan Drumm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Conan Drumm said...

Paris Hee hee hee hee heelton... They'll see what she eats, assume she's on a hunger strike, and have to force feed her...

Robyn said...

A very observant review of the week, Paris and all. Why is she news?

Isn't it amazing that publishers actually ponder the Oprah Factor when pushing a potential bestseller?

Robyn said...

Oh, and I agree with medbh. If Oprah wanted to promote my book, I don't think I would say "no."

Conortje said...

aw crap - I loved Middlesex

Anonymous said...

Of course Bush has a tummy ache, what with eating all them kittens and all! And apparently I'm not the only one who missed the tensions of the cold war. It was easier to know who your enemy was.

Your P.I. gig, I'm jealous and I'm totally feelin' the 1930's look your going for!!! Good for you, I knew you were cool beans!

Before Girl said...

I agree with the Oprah bookclub thing. There is nothing I hate more than when she picks a book I wanted to read and suddenly, I can't find the book. I was lucky in already have read "Middlesex" but still, I found myself really struggling about 3/4 through like, "Come on already, END!"

Steph said...

Well at least it's better than last week. Imagine if Paris was allowed to stay home? Your week would have been ruined!!

Flirty Something said...

DATE ??? Assume you will update us?

Sassy Sundry said...

Andraste, I had a fine time. Nice little rhyming going on there. How was the coffee withdrawal?

Full, that whole thing with Bush and Putin is just scary. How was your birthday weekend?

Rich, as I said to Dive, sorry. The dress is very nice, though. And it was a hit.

Letting Bush loose on the world the same week Paris was doing her thing was just horrible, wasn't it? Otherwise, I had a fine time.

Conan, maybe they should just let her starve? It would give the tabloids someone new to mourn.

Robyn, it was a very weird week, wasn't it? I hear you with Medbh, but I think that he didn't need the O factor for that book.

Conortje, it really put a dent in my week. Sorry to have added it to your woes. How was the paper? How's the tan?

Proxima, if I get promoted, you could become the new gal Friday for the outfit.

Before Girl, I didn't want that story to end, ever. I loved it, loved it, loved it. That's why I'm so pissed about Oprah.

Steph, welcome back. I wanted to comment on your laughing during sex post, but I was at work. Had Paris gone free, I think that nuclear strikes would have ensued.

Flirty, will do. I've been dating the guy for a few months now, but we had a great time Friday.