Thursday, August 30, 2007

What Would a Super Demon Do?

I have a question for you. If you were an eight-foot-tall Super Demon, and you accosted some poor soul on a deserted snowy street and could demand anything you wanted of that soul, what would you require?

This question arises from a proposal we received last week at the office. My coworker fielded a phone call from a prospective author who felt compelled to pitch the story of his encounter with such a demon (how one determine the difference between a regular demon and a Super Demon is an outstanding question we have yet to answer). This prospective author encountered the SD while walking home late at night after failing to heed a warning that should he continue walking that route, he would encounter something that would “truly frighten” him.

Our foolhardy correspondent continued down the street and had just turned toward home when the SD appeared in front of a supermarket (see the connection?). Terribly frightening in his visage, this SD sized up our correspondent before making his demand. In a sinister, raspy voice, the SD said,

“Give me a quarter!”

Luckily for our correspondent, he just happened to have a quarter on him. He out his change and delicately crossed the SD’s palm with silver.

And, without a word, the SD closed his hand, turned, and flew through the supermarket window without breaking it. Because, it seems, even Super Demons with the power to pass through windows need to pay for their gumballs.

The SD’s booty has my coworker and I puzzled. Why a quarter? Does this coin posses secret powers we aren’t aware of? Did the SD show mercy (unlikely, as demons don’t truck in grace)? Was the SD merely cheap? Are SDs somehow limited in what they can demand?

We don’t know, and so I thought I would ask you for help. So, if you were a SD, what would you demand and why?

In other proposal news, we recently received this atop a manuscript. The lowercase “me” breaks my heart.



15 comments:

dive said...

Super Demons live off trust funds; they don't need the money.
They are also slightly wider than normal demons and speak with a lisp.

Don't ask me how I know this.

And that lower case is so sad. You should phone the author and humiliate them. Make 'em squirm even more before sending out a rejection slip.
Damn! I'd have made a great publisher!

Conan Drumm said...

Sounds like a variant on ET - SD needed to phone home.

The first thing is to decide who to make the demand of. Someone rich? Someone politically powerful?

(puts on Megatron voice) I DEMAND WORLD PEACE!!!!

zirelda said...

e.e. cummings perhaps?

mmm, Super Demon needs to gather quarters for his drinking games?

If I were a Super Demon I don't think I'd be accosting people on dark streets at supermarkets. Rather, I'd haunt those that haunted me before I became a super demon. When I was done with that, I'd have to turn good.

Andraste said...

Hey, that's MY Book.

Just kidding. I don't have enough words in my to even update the damn blog, let alone write a book.

BUT: missed that post about a boston blogger get-together until now. I'm in. Provided there are drinks involved. There MUST be drinks or I'm taking my ball and going home.

Elizabeth Penmark said...

I was laughing out loud while I was reading this. If I were an eight-foot-tall Super Demon, I think I would accost an orthodontist and demand braces. Even Super Demons need nice smiles. ESPECIALLY Super Demons need nice smiles.

Robyn said...

If I were a Super Demon, I would be a rabbit and my name would be Harvey and I would ask to join you in a bar and have a beer.

Kate Isis said...

I kind of like the give me a quarter.
I wonder what should happen if you didn't have change.
If i were a super demon (sounds like a writing excercise for my ninth graders) I'd be diabolical and demand the frightened mere mortals most secret scared memory - the one they never told a living soul.

Fresh Hell said...

If I were a Super Demon, I'd demand massages... lots of 'em! I'd also demand something diabolical like people with vanity driven cosmetic surgical processes be returned to thier former hideous states so that they have to live with their shallow and oft-flabby selves. I wouldn't mess with reconstructive work of course, because situations that are out of someone's control don't warrant my wrath I'm an humane SD.

Booze and Boston bloggers... no good can come of this... I'm still in!

Rich said...

I would ask they break into a song and dance. :))

Maria said...

Hey, I happen to come from a family of super demons. We need those quarters to get through glass walls,silly.

And supermarkets (aisle 4 to be exact) are our portkeys to our home planet.

You are going to SO kick yourself hard when this book becomes a best seller......


And my heart went out to the poor author who begged you to read their manuscript. Haven't sunk THAT low yet, but since it could happen, I just hope you read it....

Conortje said...

Right now I'd ask for another day on to the weekend - or to be allowed go back to bed :-)

Adult Me said...

Super Demon was merely confused. It mistook the quarter for a denarius. When last it roamed the earth, a denarius was worth a day's wages. It took the Washington head to be the latest Ceasar and the silver color to be . . . silver and so assumed that it was demanding approximately $46.80. Why should a Super Demon bag groceries for a living when it can simply mug minimum-wage earners who are too scared to withhold the demon-tax?

I would never pay a demon, even a super one, but I might stoop to lower-case begging. Sassy, keep your eyes pealed for my incoming manuscript.

---Adult me

Sassy Sundry said...

Dive, don't worry. I won't ask.

Conan, demanding world peace would make you a Super ANGEL.

Zirelda, I figure that I wouldn't have to bum change as a Super Demon. It would be fun to haunt people.

Andraste, I'm sorry. We rejected your book. As for the blogger meet-up, how should we make this boozy adventure work?

Elizabeth, even SDs need to dazzle people, don't they? Sorry that it took me so long to reciprocate the link.

Robyn, you win. That's fantastic.

Kate, I thought of essay exercises too, and your demand is creepy.

Fresh, that's great, except that Michael Jackson would look better. The meet-up sounds like a go. Now we just have to figure out how to make it work.

Rich, that would be funny.

I knew there had to be a reason, Maria. I just wasn't sure what it was. Thank you.

I must have been a Super Demon this weekend, Conortje. I got TWO extra days off. :)

Excellent, AM. Miss you and am looking forward to the proposal. How are things coming along with the forthcoming bundle of joy?

Sniffle&Cry said...

If I was an 8 ft. Super Demon, I'd ask my sons what Super Demons do, them being 8 ft. super demons, and they'd demonstrate and make super noises and super bulge their eyes and other mega stuff. The quarter thing would confuse them though, having just recently grasped the super rudiments of the €.

And if SDs were looking for mullah , they'd want a super number like a gizillion anyway.

No Sassy, this is a bogus super demon, more then likely a normal demonic Joe soap looking to chat up a gal .

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