Tuesday, October 02, 2007

You Might See a Ghost, Dummy

Now that it’s October, our thoughts can turn to goblins and ghouls, to things that go bump in the night. And to more book proposals from people of questionable sanity. We recently received a two-thousand-page manuscript, in all caps, about spirits and ghosts. In case you didn’t know the difference, be enlightened:

DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND, SPIRITS THAT HAVE TRANSFERRED CORRECTLY MAY RETURN OF THEIR OWN ACCORD. THESE ARE NOT HAUNTINGS. DON’T CONFUSE THE TWO. A SPIRIT MAY COME AND GO TO CHECK ON LOVED ONES AND DO THEIR OWN BUSINESS HERE. A HAUNT IS THE EPHEREMAL AND PARANORMAL EQUIVALENT TO PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER IN HUMANS. THEY ARE STUCK WHERE THEY ARE, DON’T KNOW THEY ARE DEAD, AND ARE USUALLY TROUBLED IN SOME WAY. THEY NEED TO BE TOLD THEY ARE DEAD AND WHERE TO GO, OTHERWISE THEY WILL CAUSE INFLUENTIAL AND EMPATHICAL AFFECTS ON THOSE HUMANS WHO DWELL IN THE SAME OVERLAPPING DIMENSIONAL SPACE. HUH? I MEAN, YOU MIGHT SEE A GHOST, DUMMY. BOO.

Boo indeed. Beware of insane spirits. They turn into ghosts.

11 comments:

laughykate said...

You mean some poor bastard had to suffer through two thousand pages of that? Or was it just the first couple of pages before it got assigned to the REJECT pile?

dive said...

People who believe that type of toss are usually troubled in some way and need to be told they are brain-dead and where to go!

Hee hee, Sassy. That is hilarious!

Fresh Hell said...

Spirits, ghosts, dimensions ... Popycock! All of it. Sounds like someone needs a hobby that doesn't involve a computer that has the all caps glitch.

Conan Drumm said...

Oh dear, did you have to read much of it?

zirelda said...

It's hard to read all caps. Unfortunatly I know all too many people who do that.

I haven't seen a ghost lately, but have had one rattling about the kitchen at all hours of the night.

Conortje said...

You know what - I have always wanted to see a ghost. It's like they're staying away on purpose. Not fair.

Andraste said...

I still plan to be a ghost after I pop my clogs. There are a few ex- boyfriends and ex-bosses who need a good haunting, maybe some destructive poltergeist activity to shake 'em up.

Scout said...

hee hee hee. What are you supposed to do with this manuscript, and how, exactly does it fit into your market?

Not only is the author creepy, but he/she didn't do their research.

Full said...

The spirit world starts and ends with a good single malt.

Medbh said...

Sassy that sounds like a very badly plagiarized version of "Poltergeist."
Bring them into the light indeed.

Maria said...

Well, yes. I think he/she worked MUCH too hard on those run on sentences.

I sort of felt like I was in the kitchen with my mother in law. Now THAT scares the fuck out of me.