You Might See a Ghost, Dummy

Now that it’s October, our thoughts can turn to goblins and ghouls, to things that go bump in the night. And to more book proposals from people of questionable sanity. We recently received a two-thousand-page manuscript, in all caps, about spirits and ghosts. In case you didn’t know the difference, be enlightened:

DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND, SPIRITS THAT HAVE TRANSFERRED CORRECTLY MAY RETURN OF THEIR OWN ACCORD. THESE ARE NOT HAUNTINGS. DON’T CONFUSE THE TWO. A SPIRIT MAY COME AND GO TO CHECK ON LOVED ONES AND DO THEIR OWN BUSINESS HERE. A HAUNT IS THE EPHEREMAL AND PARANORMAL EQUIVALENT TO PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER IN HUMANS. THEY ARE STUCK WHERE THEY ARE, DON’T KNOW THEY ARE DEAD, AND ARE USUALLY TROUBLED IN SOME WAY. THEY NEED TO BE TOLD THEY ARE DEAD AND WHERE TO GO, OTHERWISE THEY WILL CAUSE INFLUENTIAL AND EMPATHICAL AFFECTS ON THOSE HUMANS WHO DWELL IN THE SAME OVERLAPPING DIMENSIONAL SPACE. HUH? I MEAN, YOU MIGHT SEE A GHOST, DUMMY. BOO.

Boo indeed. Beware of insane spirits. They turn into ghosts.